This is a very different kind of post… I typically never share personal things on my blog, as these posts are about THE COUPLE!!!! But… I’m ready to share some personal things that very much apply here.
I’ve lived in fear most of my life… Fear of myself, fear of other people, fear of my weight, fear of how I look, fear of how I dress, fear of how I move , fear of what other people think of me, fear of people hating me, fear of disappointing people, fear of hurting people, fear of judgment, fear of losing friends, fear of being embarrassed, fear of appearing weak, fear of appearing too strong…. so as you can see, fear of everything…
I’ve been consciously making decisions to deal with fear in a different way. Choosing not to run away, not to hide, not to people please.
Sooo…. What does this have to do with a wedding??? Well, everything. My friend Rachel (who I have known for years) and her lovely fiance Krista were getting married and I had the opportunity to photograph their wedding… a same sex wedding. This felt like more than an opportunity… I felt called. I’m a person of faith and I believe God when he says “Love Me and Love People as yourself”. I feel called in life to care, to bless others however I can… and to share my gifts and skills as a wedding & portrait photographer.
I’m really good at what I do. I can say that now and not feel like I’m bragging… because it is a fact. I am a master of my craft after many years and over 450 weddings. I wasn’t nervous or afraid to photograph their event… but i was afraid. Do you know what I was most afraid of? I was most afraid of being judged by those who I consider my friends, acquaintances, and those who are close to me. I was so afraid that they would judge me, disown me, turn away from me, hate me, bash me, call me out, destroy my business…. afraid isn’t really even the right word, I was terrified. I was so afraid that I even created a fake brand and a fake name on Facebook to hide my work so that Krista & Rachel could share their beautiful wedding images and I wouldn’t get any negative reaction from those who know me.
I have been doing a lot of personal work over the last couple of years. I am learning to find my voice. I am working to be more authentic with who I am as a person. I am learning to deal with fear… choosing to love not only myself but others as well, without fear, shame and judgement. I am choosing love, joy, peace, and beauty.
I am proud to call Krista & Rachel friends and feel so honored to have been able to travel to North Carolina to document the start of their new life together as a married couple.
So, choosing to no longer be afraid, I’m sharing their images here at Brown Street Studios, not under a fake name.
Rachel and Krista Turner, thank you for your grace, kindness, patience, support, and understanding as I’ve been working through these fear issues. Thank you for forgiving me for being a coward. I am truly grateful for your friendship (and camping gear advice hahah). Thank you for choosing me to be your photographer! When can we go hiking again!!??
❤️❤️ – Becky
